He's 20 today

"Write clear and hard about what hurts." Ernest Hemingway

I met the him when he was 6 years old. Full of energy, wanted to pull me into every activity. I was just the girlfriend of his uncle at the time but the spark in that kid touched me way back then.

Through twists and turns, I ended up the girlfriend of his dad when the kid turned 12. Never having kids of my own, (because I know what causes that and it's not in the water), I loved him like he was my own. I was lucky enough to take him to school, lucky enough to see him graduate high school, lucky enough to become a friend, lucky enough to have him confide in me. I wanted to show him, this is what a real woman is, because let's face it, his dad's taste in women through the years was less than desirable.

She cares, she doesn't manipulate.

She talks, she doesn't yell.

She works hard, she doesn't expect handouts.

She loves, not for her own gain, but just simply for the fact that she loves you for who you are.

She's there, she doesn't disappear.

When his dad and I split, I lost a family. A fucked up family albeit, with the kid being the only light left.

He stood between his dad and me when things got of control a few times. Willing to take it to blows if he thought his dad was going to physically hurt me. Sometimes I think that's the only reason I didn't get hit during that relationship. His son would never forgive him if he did.

Today, the kid turns 20. First birthday in 7 years I haven't celebrated with him.

And I miss him.

And it hurts.

I want only and all good things for him. He's got so much potential. So much good in his heart.

It's not hard to draw the line on where relationships end but when does family stop being family?

I kinda think it never stops...not in my heart. At least that's what it's screaming today.