Afraid

Of what? Fucking everything and myself, most of all.

I put too much thought into everything. I can see a situation for what it is and I'll accept it, even live it, knowing, seeing ... It's just not gonna work.

I also put too much thought into what others might think of me. Sure, everyone does. I get taken back every time that someone thinks I am good, strong, lovable. I kinda believe that about myself. But for some damn reason, when it falls to shit, my vision is skewed. It's me. It's me that I blame.

I wasn't good enough. I fucked it up. 
I was too melancholy. 
Too eager. 
Too quiet. 
Too normal.
Too smart.
Too fat.
Too ugly.
Too different.

I was too fucking not right.

Why the fuck do I think this way? And why the hell does it take so little to flip that trigger? There are answers in self worth, confidence, blah fucking blah, I know and have heard them all. I'm not looking for answers I just want to rant.

Didn't think I'd share this one because I cried the whole time I wrote it. It's cryptic and meant to be a bit that way. With the wealth of the prologue, I'm sure it's clearer now...

Afraid

There's three
Heart, mind and body

Four valves beating true
Divisible by half
Two sides working through
All I'll ever have

Minus one
Cutting to the quick
One shell they bleed from
Pretty face, soft lips

Afraid of the look 
upon your face
From visions mistook
I'll fall with disgrace.