Are you happy?

Such a simple question. Are you happy?

Of all life's questions, this could be the most important. I know that some say happiness is just an emotion and really, the goal should be contentment but this question...are you happy?...brought out some damn emotion this morning.

People say it in different ways. There are a few that fish for the answer. Dropping a line to say "hope you are doing well" or "I hope you're happy," wishing for a reply that confirms or denies the premise depending on their motivation.

Sometimes, it's just another question that springs up when rummaging through memories of souls that have passed through your life. Their presence is no longer what it used to be but you ask them in your head from what you used to know of them, "are you happy?" Gosh, I hope so, because you were important to me and you deserve to be.

And then, the hardest person to ask is yourself. "Beth, are you happy?" And this morning, that's when the tears flowed. Streaming through feelings and thoughts, lost in the joy and sorrow, how do I answer such a fucking loaded question?

I should be. I've got a great job that allows me to challenge myself everyday, learn, lead and teach. It affords me the freedom to indulge in hobbies and I can live well because of it.

Kinda. There's some things are bothering me but it's all good. Some of it is under my control and there's some things I just need to let go. It'll work itself out. Just need a little more time to see things clearly and then it'll be all good.

No, I'm not. There's this hole that seems to be consuming me and I can't see the way out. Every morning I wake up, I still cry. I try not to dwell on it for very long. I look up out of the hole hoping to catch a glimpse of clouds in the sky, see the sunrise. I listen for the faint singing of birds. Grasping on the roots to climb up a little higher out of this never ending hole.

Yes, I am.
Happy that I'm not who I was before. Happy that my life is not the living hell it was just a short time ago.
Happy that I am surrounded by a loving, supporting list of folks that I call family and friends.
Happy that I can embrace all of my answers to this simple little question and know that there's nothing inherently wrong with me.

I'm just another soul on life's fucked up glorious journey.

Are you happy?